Stepping Out

It’s been a year of my commitment to leave the strip club and build a business that supports my lifestyle. As it were, my lifestyle has been shifting into a more eco-friendly, sustainable direction. I desire to live off the land and reduce my consumerism ways, so my business planning has been progressive and comes from a deep place of empowerment and support.

A few weeks ago I stepped into my home club with containers and bags of my old outfits and clothes. I went through the process with deep reverence as I have grown and done so much healing in that club. I have met amazing, inspiring and wonderful human beings who have touched my heart in such soulful ways. I noticed myself begin to mourn as I cried. I quickly decided to pull myself out of this space as my friends cheered me on in celebration of me following my dreams, swooning over how inspiring I was to them. I spent the rest of the evening in a Lifesaver colored fishnet dress one of the girls gave me with white high heels on and resting in a state of surealness.

As I left, the urge to return was strong. The instinctual drive to be protected by the shelter of the club tugged at me to go back. The confidence of the work I’ve been doing and the growth I’ve committed to supports my separation. I feel like I finally got enough love from my mom, so I’m able to go to kindergarten without crying even though it’s still difficult.

I’m in another state, not saying goodbye to dancing all together quite yet. I left my home, my partner, his child, my dog, my lizard, my friends, and my community to discover my inner strength and power enough to share it with the world. I’m saving up for a few months and embarking on a journey around the globe. My goal is to learn skills, share skills and to give my self space to remember who I truly am. I want to immerse myself in nature to learn from her, as she is the one true teacher that reflects immense truth. I want to dig deep within my soul to forever change my perspective on this one life I’ve been gifted. I want to fully embody my soul’s capacity to love and share. That is my goal, that is my mission.