Fluctuating Empowerment

I sink in and out of power.

I fluctuate from being the victim to being in power.

I know that being the victim is not a happy place. I know that I cannot move forward from that space. I know where it will lead. So I consciously choose to be in power. Change it so I can own my life and my choices. It’s challenging though.

I find myself sitting and ignoring the fact that I need to go into the club to make money. I find work wherever else I can so I don’t have to go in. Other work isn’t the same money. When I go, I’m so happy and relieved that I did. The gratitude overflows.

Yet heading in sounds dreadful. It sounds like I’m asking myself to cut my own hands off.

Sitting in a place of power allows me to go in. Sometimes even in the victim state, I’ll go in and I’ll shift into a power state as I get there.

It’s like a bad relationship. Everything is fine when we are together, but when I’m away, I want out.

I want the support from this job. I want it. I need it. I want it to help me move forward. I have chosen a path in which I need it’s monetary support for at least 6 more months. I’m securing a job outside, but I need a little more time. Patience is what you do while you’re waiting, someone said. My patience is being tested like never before right now. I will continue this from a place of power because that is my best option to move forward.

:sigh:

This is so challenging.

The bounty is worth it.